Vom Reisenden und Reisen/
tales of a stepping stone journey

24.03.14   nothing like circumstances

please tell me

that there is nothing

nothing like circumstances

that could come between us

please tell me

I can stop holding back

please allow me to fall

with you by my side

please tell me

that we can try

& screw it up

just the two of us

please tell me

that this time

time& timing come together

please tell me

that this is an idea

that I don’t have to abandon

after only a couple of days

please tell me

my ability to find

something truly real

added another connection

but this time one

where no one has to reason a way out

please let us see what happens

loosing nights in time together

please stick around

to enable us

to see if this could work

 

 

15.03.14   highest highs

we should always

have the mixture

of curiosity warmth& new

of looking forward to a first date

we should find something

to be surprised by

to be passionate about

every day

the first time

it smells like spring again

finding a new lovely café

a little video that feels so great

a dinner idea while getting groceries

or try something different

& maybe get a friend

to share the experience

a bit of

putting my head on your shoulder

a bit of realising

how much I love my family

or of finding a person

who has been around for a while

is really too interesting

to not investing in a deeper friendship

there is a reason

why people are

the reasons for

my daily highest highs

there is a reason

why despite all my deep thoughts

& the stones of my path

I can only love life

why breathing is the most beautiful thing

 

 

15.03.14         green eyes from brown ones

Mon I was sorting my computer

& found the version of  ‘Green Eyes’

you recorded for me

you called it ‘U R a rock’

& it’s Fri & they play it in a café

I’m back on Sat

& it plays again

‘I came here with a load

& it is so much lighter

since I’ve met you’

& I can’t help but to thank you

for giving me these huge compliments

it doesn’t matter

that you are a part

of my lost big friendships password

I still have these things

you thought & told me

& sometimes I still need their truth

I really hope you’re happy out there

I really hope you’re fine

 

 

11.03.14   melting time

let me propose

to just meet up

& melt time

to take

the mutual feeling

of attraction

comfort & curiosity

& make something of it

the thrill of something new

the light headedness of

‘I’ll be gone in a few days’

 

 

24/01/14    a new balance

 

 

I'm scared saying

 

I missed you

 

will grow

 

& come to haunt me

 

you held me under

 

such a strong spell

 

that it puzzles me

 

how I was able

 

to not even want

 

to hear from you

 

like I actually walked away

 

& how I was able

 

to not think about yourself

 

something in me is worried

 

maybe you were just hiding

 

sitting in the dark

 

to jump back

 

& cling to my neck

 

but your insecure words

 

can't possibly scare me

 

& I just want you to know

 

we are fine

 

& with me saying so

 

we just are

 

it seems we tried so hard

 

yet again

 

to stay away from another

 

but with us just having

 

something as rare as

 

a true connection

 

it stopped making sense

 

with our desire to be together

 

fading to sleep

 

you shouldn’t

 

catch me off guard

 

since you always mean surprise

 

but the friend you are

 

especially in safe distance

 

is something

 

that puts a smile

 

& warmth out there

 

I can use you

 

for the good sides

 

& am less susceptible

 

for the dangerous one

 

maybe you just stopped

 

making any sense

 

& I don't want to live

 

with the chaos

 

it meant to have you

 

as an idea in my life

 

but having your friendship

 

is a different story

 

since that mostly

 

made me stronger

 

so tell me

 

friends?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

03/03/14     river stones

 

 

while machines eat stones

 

down by the river

 

I realize

 

not much can be learned

 

by breaking hearts

 

&it always feels horrible

 

to have to tell someone

 

what just won't happen

 

 

 

 

 

 

11/03/14      about losing

 

 

we lose a plane

 

maybe it's because you have

 

to switch the phones off

we now can't find it

 

& it is always distracting

 

to have an interesting person

 

in front of you

 

&then a glass of water

 

with two colours of lemon

 

are enough to complete

 

the warmth of Scottish sun in March

 

sometimes it really just takes

 

sitting down& write

 

reflecting about the path

 

I walked on

 

25/11/13 bus stop

 

curiosity jumps around

& with the first day

when ice covers the stones to town

this unusual story smiles at me

as much as a few little letters

can’t capture ever

how it sounds

what I want to say

so much they dance back& forth

this has a good vibe

& I’m impressed

how honest & straight forward

you word yourself to be

& curiosity blinks at me

with her winter sun eyes

& I know she wants

to meet up

to jump around you for a bit

I laugh at her

& she calms down

as I sing the her

with the cold air

filling my lungs

 as I cycle along the river

 

 

 

13/11/13         the offer

 

what you need

is a friend

not another story

you know you are an attractive man

you don’t need me

to tell you

but what you might need

is something to come back to

without any worries

with a loyal warm heart

thinking you safe

where you can lean on

& sleep on the couch

where what you are& need

is more important

than interest& desire

friendship because I care about you

& I can hold you

if you need it

will let you go

whenever you want to

& welcome you back

whenever you find

 that this doesn’t only sound good

 

 

 

 

13/11/13       the exchange

 

you ask what that is

the pillow sized thing

blue& purple & scratched

lying in the far corner

trust me you might

not want to know

most likely you’re not up

to stay here if you’d know

& you look more curious than scared

a good sign I guess

but I’ve walked too far

have seen this look too often

don’t tell me

any of the lines now

maybe don’t say anything

you just look at it

& then at me

just this time

something is different

you touch my hair

down my cheek

& hold it there

& you say

it’ll disappear

twist& turn

& become all shiny red

I know how heavy it was

to carry it here

but I also know

that we together

can change

the nature of things

by simply being together

I can’t stare into the corner

your eyes trapped me

you sound too good

I’m done with storytellers

then good that I’m

not a storyteller

but a traveller

the question must be

all to obvious in my face

cause you just nod

& then it’s in my hand

& have it in my outstretched arms

you smile

& then you take it

like it’s your unborn child

& I can feel throughout me

you’ll keep it warm& safe

& do it like you can’t imagine

doing anything different

you put something

into my palm

& close my hand around it

& we stand there

 head on head

 

13/11/13 growth of a friendship

 

nothing can fill a room

like a good conversation

I can see trust growing

can see ideas colouring the air

with the right music

somewhere in the background

& tea you made in front of us

nothing to cover up

no white lies

nothing that just sounds good

just you& me

& our heads full of thoughts

it sinks though my bones

creates some kind of energy

to realize that what we share

is what really matters

I’d feel honoured

to be able to call you a friend

I care about you

& now deal with it

it’s beautiful to share honest words

& you smile as I say

I think you’re a good person

the night smiles at us

as we talk it away

this is good & we are good

 

I’m thankful you walked in

 

 

 

 

11/11/13 light & power

 

you can only surprise

so strong& calm

& in half a sentence

filling the room with comfort

not only for me

the conversation floats

& I forget to feel my aching body

the night creates a sound

& you master to turn it

into the safe space

of sharing stories

& I’m surprised

about your remarks

& somehow even they

turn around & make me feel

more at ease with myself

I admire your way of things

being in your light

is so easy

& you make it even easier

& I just want to say

thank you

for being up for this connection

inspiration is a wonderful things

a very much needed one

 

 

08/11/13 aThursday

 

can you see how light thoughts get

how time slows down around you

& how people just loose two words sometime

you can’t see the chicken

& a story tells me

that people like us

can only find another

adventures seem easier

& the world full of possibilities

curious& open-minded

the beauty sometimes lies

in pictures from the 70s

& my instinct gets calmed

by the elegance of your words

 

 

 

15.10.13       fire staring

 

while the texture of the evening changes

while everyone else went  home

we find ourselves in the comfort

that grows out of 30h

& all I need is to breath

& all it takes

is time& warmth

everything else just melts

everything can’t keep up

with what just happens here

between our fingertips grows

what started out just playful

turns into flooding sensation

into more than comfort & warmth

& the night falls silent

& sleep is a waste

when your hear beast against mine

 

 

 

27.09.13     late September picknick

 

 

let’s just stay in this garden

& words will create

their own sun

it feels so familiar

to explore this world in shared stories

with curiosity

& a strong sense of knowing

just how special it is

to be able to have a conversation

like the one that spreads

& is covering all threes around

with a bit of a whisper

& your talent

of putting everything around you at ease

convinced even the wind

the confidence you have in me

makes it so much easier

to be strong & there

& to empower

seems just so effortless for you

you are a very talented man

& I hope you’ll take

some of this symphony

that we just created

& that you take it with you

& so you find yourself smiling

cause we can find people like this

& they become friends

 

12.09.13                      Einaudi - two trees

 

you just got too warm

too close

too real

Einaudis °two trees°

travel thought my room

& I can't ignore the link

to speak creats you closer

makes me feel your hand again

brings me back in the moment

& then you say

I can't wait to see you

& I hope you mean it too much

we've been too far out

to lose another

& I'll stand there & wait for you

distraction can come back tomorrow

tonight I want to dream you close

tonight I'll feel your glow

& I'll wake up

still warm in music

& I'll know once again

we shared it

 

 

 

29.08.13                      Nachtflüsterer

wo warst du

schreien meine Gedanken

&ich knicke beinahe ein

aber das ist gut & gesund so

dann mag ich eben

sogar den verwirrten Gedanken

den Gedanken du

eindeutig zu sehr

bittere & laut klirrende Erkenntnis

aber einiges wird besser

Enttäuschung for Enttäuschung

mit mehr & mehr Realität

& da komm ich hin

im Moment noch sehend

aber wie immer

es wird werden

Bächer wachsen aus guten Geschichten

& die gibts es bei dir dazu

& ich werde meinem Herzschlag

einen Moment lang grollen

& dann wieder den Gleichklang genießen

solang wir eben noch so sind

& so land kann ich

die Nacht noch so sehr anschreien

wiel sie so gern Geschichten flüstert

 

 

 

 

11.08.13                     Nachtblick

 

ich kann spüren

du trägst etwas

& weiß wir werden

zu wenig Zeit haben

als dass ich ergründen könnte

wer du bist

also bleibt gute Gesellschaft

das Kompliment Nähe

& alles was um uns herumliegt

ich weiß nur zu gut

dass ich dir 5 Jahre geben muss

doch gute Entdeckungen

bleiben stehen

auch wenn sie sich

auf Potential beziehen

aber für jetzt

bleib einfach so& hier

in Staub pulsierenden Mustern

in lagerfeuerwarmer Nacht

& sonnenweichem Gras

einfach wohl & leicht sein

 

 

03.08.13     Wellenrauschbegegnung

 

du bist eine dieser Begegnungen

die nur ein Lächeln entfernt war

& wie alles weiter sich reiht

leichtfüßig im Sand mit Wellenrauschen

Worte die herumsprangen

wie wir

um im Sand liegen zu bleiben

alles an dir ist vertrauenserweckend

sogar dein Geruch

& so sehr diese Begegnungen

Blitzlichter bleiben

so gut formen sie

nach Sommer klingende Geschichten

& auch wenn stoplern

selten zum Ziel führt

so sollte doch umso mehr

jede Berührung von Haut auf Haut

als das Kompliment

welches es darstellt

erinner& getragen werden

kein Kuss will

durch Gitterstäbe geteilt werden

selbst wenn es nur

ein Gartentor ist

& als die Nacht dich verschluckt

lächle ich deinem ersten Blick zu

mit Sand an den Füßen

 

 

24/05/13    Parisiancliché

 

some things

only come into existance 

in the dark

getting close just gets

so much easier

& telling everything 

only by the way I breath

not to think about it

but just let happen

what feels good

what makes me feel good

&polite & playful 

your fingers draw me

light lines on skin

movement & warmth

what draws together

an unusual story

in an unusual setting

but because of

everyone else in the room

no more

but game fosters desire

becomes desire

but can't become more

until I can't decide

if we have to stop

because I'll lose control otherwise

or if we just have to keep on

& cling onto eachother

when it just gets too much

to cool desire by closeness& comfort

& like in a perfect narration

' I want you' 

as the first words we share

from curiosity& comfort

by breathing time away

to playfully built passion

sometimes the small hours 

are just too interesting

to waste them sleeping

& so it's  warm & close

an a bit of falling half asleep

on your chest

& when you get up

to leave too early

you leave a note

& say goodbye 

with a kiss

 

 

 

 

14/05/13   slowly but surely

 

my burden gets somewhat lighter

easier to carry

with all you lovely people

all the people who I find

right beside me

in caring words

in great distraction action

in warm hugs

& switched on phones at night

In offered help

& unquestioned acceptation

with some good food

or just a hot water bottle

you all help

to give me space to heal

& for my skin to protect again

 

 

 

 

03/02/13 Scottishwinterdancingthoughtcompany

 

it seems that

as soon as you

enter the room

things just shine a little more

it just gets a bit warmer

& your dancing thoughts

jump so long like young dogs

with & against mine

until i can't help it

but feel more at ease

warmer& a bit lighter

you have a gift right there

just so you know

cause fact is

it might happen a bit more

with me

but in general

they can feel it too

with people like you

in ones life

things just get richer

you'll become a truly

inspiering & wise man one daz

& up until then

you'll about the best company

I can find in Scottish winter

 

 

 

03/02/13   withOpposites

 

I'll just hold you

not saying a word

my warmth will soothe you

our breath will find

one tact

& all will be fine

without anything

been hold against you

you'll be able

to find some words

early enough

but for now

all we'll need

is breathing & to stay

you're right

all what will follow

has s lof of scary stuff with it

but how scary

can things really become

when you can hear my heart beat

when you know

that you just need to

say one word

or take my hand in the dark

& you won't do this alone

& I'll be there

as much as I'm prepared

to let you go

with warm thoughts

 

 

 

02/02/13 ideashining

 

I guess it's fair to say

my heart is a mess

& I had so hoped

you would stay here

making the mess less

just by being there

in your wonderful light way

I didn't dare

to ask for it

but there was something like hope

never to capture you

never to ask

to be the only one

hope that once

things might stay

just so easy

but a wise man is right

no matter how far away

cause there's a difference

between growing& growing up

after breathing three times

or a good night sleep

I'll be all ok again

still enough of a mess

but by looking down

reminded of the long way

I cam on

so this is just

takeing a few steps more

to breath me quiet

to let it pass

& shine with all the other ideas

that were beautifully bright

always hated to let them go

each& every one of them

guess I just love idea shining too much

 

 

 

30/01/13 breathingspacestays

 

you should know

our story won't just disappear

with you leaving this town

since I very much know

there is something between us

that will stay

no matter how long

we won't get to see another

no matter how little contact

we'll keep in the meantime

no matter where life will take us

we found something

& this something won't just dissolve

& since we're used

to miss another

already since the very beginning

since this something

never got less

by spending time together

but only grew

bit by bit

the more we got to know eachopther

& so I'm not scared

that I'll lose you

you'll stay with me

& all of our story will too

& the world has become too small

to not find our paths

intertwining again

& so I'll be there

in all my loyalty

with warm thoughts

in whatever works

& whatever we can actually be

& I think you already know

cause I feel that you can feel it

there is just

too much potential

the space between you & me breaths

just don't talk it away

cause it'll stay anyways

 

 

01/12/12             therelationship

& what I longed for

for such a long time

you that turns

the world in a smile upside down

you who changes

me just by being there

me getting all clear

all soft & calm

& everything melts away

as soon as

our fingers draw on skin

as soon as your voce

hits this tone

as soon as we

even melt time away

being comfortable

in everything or nothing

that is said

to talk nights away

or just spend them

silent holding hands

I longed for someone

to get a drive from

to get inspired by

& all calm soft & warm from

where to feel safe

brave & free

someone who thinks

on winded paths

who can hold me

& keep me

who can handle me

& enjoys doing so

as one of the best things

that could have happened

someone where

my heart & head

can rest

& where I can be there

not just as

some nice entertainment

not just as a

nice new story

but because

this way things

just make more sense

because the world just got a little more complete

a connection that truly matters

that is so different

pure pulsing shining

something that stays

& nothing like all these stories

that I’d never wanted to live myself

but because

this way things

just make more sense

because the world just got a little more complete

 

 

 

01/12/12             peopleyear

look at me

at this year

that just put

so many new

truly amazing people

in my colorful life

& I can’t quiet

put the gift they are

in words that are

wide shining & warm enough

they are

what adds to my life

what makes me

bit by bit

slowly but surely

more of the person

I want to be

& while being with them

it seems easy

& a lot of other things

are just up for grabs

& listed dreams

seem to be in reach

they make my heart

beat faster

they deserve my loyalty

they are the best thing

about this year

wit the path under my feet

 

 

 

 

29/11/12             now?

balanced & stable

shining & warm

that is how I

stand in front of you

I came so far

since I was here

the last time

& you seem to struggle

to get your

thoughts together

your mind straight

sure back then

we were untouchable

we were something

we both couldn’t find

words for

& since then

this wonderful story us

was always with us

in memories

in good stories

& in words

& now we’re here

so much happened

since then

but our eyes

gleam the same

just to see

what is there

not what is still there

but much rather

the silent question

of how much

there could be now

 

 

 

29/11/12             moontalk

a bright moon

is looking down on me

& as ever so often

he asks

If I’m happy

I guess I was walking

too slow

& so he was able

to catch up with me

but when I look up

&he sees my smile

the thought

almost fates out

but I actually don’t mind him asking

since I’m more than fine

saying yes

it’s like he still

can’t quiet get used to it

& I won’t blame him

I know he likes to watch

me trusting the night

& enjoying to be able

to feel my heart beat

& my thoughts flowing

easier wider reaching further

feeling the cold earth

just under my feet

& every now& then

having to stop myself

from just taking of shoes

an unusual connection

a free & open minded one

not only when he’s there

not only when we

actually get time together

& since this isn’t

a Florence + the machine song

we’ll just keep on

just like this

ever so often

 

 

26/11/12                    inyoureyes

°since you got in my world

things just make more sense

it just got a little more complete°

is what pulses through me

& makes me so light

whenever I come back from you

& it’s a good thing

that I don’t believe

that there is only one

& sure not that you are

anything like a

long lost brother

I’m just so happy

to find you in my world

cause with you

I can see further

can grow so much

can learn & fight & laugh

with you I can get

a beautiful bit lost

& with you

I’m as safe as I can get

& I stopped waiting long ago

& my feet really like the earth

but you work within all this

& so I just enjoy

a world with you

that does make more sense

a world that’s more complete

 

 

 

25.11.12          Herzschlag in Sätze

ich habe all diese Worte geschrieben

dich in Sätze zu bannen versucht

dich gezeichnet, geschaffen & gefühlt

habe Erinnerungen mit Wünschen

& Gedanken mit Gedanken gemischt

habe die Bewegung

die du in mich & mein Leben brachtest

zu etwas auf Papier geformt

& mich ab & an

ein wenig besser selbst verstanden

konnte dich manchmal beinahe spüren

durch die Worte die ich fand

& Erinnerungen wurden zu Lebendigem

zu etwas dass nur ein paar Worte entfernt liegt

& erstaunlicherweise

ab & an das Selbe auch für andere vermag

meine Liebe zur Sprache

konnte mit dir ein Herzschlag werden

konnte mit dir in Sätze fließen

konnte mit dir etwas schaffen das bleibt

 

24/11/12         howitis 

 

I will be there

in case you need me

in case you need

someone that will

just not say a word

or cook you something

in the middle of the night

& sing while waiting

for water to boil

in case you need

to just listen to some decent music

or to get your head

to a place where thoughts can rest

in case you’re looking

for some inspiration

for a hide away

or for something you lost

somewhere on the way

in case you wonder

how we could be

or if you just

want to have some company

a friend with a warm heart

an open mind

a smile& some warmth

a cup of tea

loyalty & carefully chosen words

in case you look for

just watching a movie

or just lie there

with your head

in my arms

in case you are in need

for somewhere

where the world doesn’t matter any more

in case you need to find

a heart beat for yourself

in case you need

someone to just take a late walk

in case your thoughts

are so lound you can’t hear your mouth

in case you just need

an unusual story

somewhere where

you just don’t need to explain

somewhere to say everything

or just nothing at all

somewhere

where your dancing words

are just as welcome

as you just falling asleep

in case you need

a safe place

in case you need me

just in case

 

 

21/11/12                    chaosstate

in a way

I guess

I just start to accept

chaos as a state

& with that

my energy comes back

& I find myself

smiling & straight

moving& breathing

able to get my head

into something else

than simply you

able to figure out

myself

bit by bit

& even just expressing

I stumble

& saying

°you’re not doing this alone°

makes things

just so much better

& to hear from you

of corse does even more

at least

I know what’s wrong

not only with me

& at least I know

you do bother

I’m getting better

already knowing

°you’re not doing this alone°

 

 

20/11/12                    unisonheartbeatingnightpulse

dreaming of you like this

is just not at all helpful

it is bad enough

that I can’t find anything

in your face

that I don’t like

that I even like your choice

of cloths & shoes

that you know what suits you

that I just love your hands

& that I can imagine just too well

from the few little hints I got

how it could feel

how you would feel

how our unison heartbeat

would translate into

a nightpulse

with warmth-skin-movement

& how you’d look at me

& how everything would

just melt away

how even time

would lose it

how there’d only be

only you & me

in an unison heart beating nightpulse

 

 

19/11/12         strongerstreetvoice

& while I was thinking

that the streets still

talk in your voice

my phone already hold

something from you

how weird that I felt

like no 2 weeks

would go by

without me hearing from you

but I didn’t really expect

only about 25hours

& so I stare at your text

& can just not make sense of it

can just not quite

tell my aches to go away

can not quiet

put light words

to the man

that walked out my door just yesterday

can’t get myself together

or pretend to be stronger

stronger than missing you

stronger than missing you

 

 

19/11/12         controlstruggle

can you see

what I gave you?

an ‘I’ll be there’

that proves itself right

every day again

a ‘you can trust me’

a ‘I can take this’

a ‘I want to be here’

a ‘I feel strong enough’

& I am because I want to

& I told you

we’ll find a way

through chaos & everything

if we just want to

°you’re not doing this alone°

& I know I can take a lot

& sure a lot more than this

cause yes you are worth

taking quite some bruises

even when you try to hit me hard

& I gave you my fears

shared them

not so that you carry them

but so you know

& I can see you

struggling to stay in control

you’re not

you know you need to

& sometimes you even try

pushing me

in order to find it

but this is a story

made up of

something neither of us

can control

& don’t tell me

you don’t struggle

cause I can carry

quiet a bit

you’ll see

if you’ll just

give yourself the chance

to actually see it

 

 

19/11/12                    havetohwhy&want

I’m thankful for the wind

cause it spares me

to answer myself the question

where the tears come from

& all the questions

& the thinking

already suck out my energy

leave me cold slow & a bit numb

but at least I know

that I can deal with that

& that I want to

& the thought

that you must feel

something like I do

but you maybe just try

to put it aside

just like you tried

pushing me away

that hurts

cause I can’t be there

to tell you we’ll work it out

& I don’t doubt

that all of this

is even more difficult for you

cause you don’t want to

leave me like this

you don’t to end this

you know you have to

but have to isn’t want

& cause why always follows want

your left with finding

something for both of them

& I wouldn’t dare

to tell you what to do

but you have to take

that I ask

do you think

why & want will just disappear?

do you think

this was just bad timing

that you just had

a weak moment

or that I’m something

they used to burn

for her power

maybe you have to take

that I say

that someone can only

make others happy

if he himself is

so tell me

are you happy?

& if you are

why are there

why & want?

& how did I then

even get here?

 

 

 

 

 

19/11/12        alarmirony

I slept less

than I was awake

thoughts doing that to me

& outside decided

to make the right weather

to my little headache

& to tell me in all the grey

to just stay in bed

cause it whispers

that today

it’s not even going to get day

before 4 pm

& for the irony

my alarm told me too often

°protect me from what I want°

after a cup of tea

the mind will be louder

than the noise of your absence

but until then

my head is slow& heavy

but it helps to think

that you should be better

cause you aren’t afraid

to not find the way back

it’ll all work out

cause you want it

cause I want it

take care out there

as long as our playful thoughts

can’t do that for each other

 

19/11/12         noisesmellchaosrainabsence

your absence is a noise

that makes my head slow

your absence is your smell

that I ignore

in order to be able

to let you go

so that you can come back

your absence is my chaos

& as much as all of this

of you not being here

of you not talking to me

does make sense

so much I growl at it

so much I just want to

stay only a bit longer

but the only thing that stays

isn’t you

but that it does make sense

& so your absence is fine rain

getting me all cold

a bit scared & lost

& in need for light thoughts

& so I start to

sing at the noise of your absence

give your smell to my memories

am proud of the chaos of your absence

& gaze at the drops

cause at the end

& this isn’t it

it just means you’ve moved me

& that is simply beautiful

in noise & smell & chaos & rain

19/11/12         missdoing

I miss to think of you

cause it seems there is

no more point in doing so

I miss your texts

the only time

when you’d allow yourself

to just get compliments out

not quiet but lately yes

I miss to find you in weird dreams

& to wake up with a smile

shaking them off

I miss stealing hours form the day

to get confused by you

I miss these truly unusual dates

when you just dazzled me

I miss you

& maybe the most

the idea of you

painted thrown & laughed

at me as straight forward

&beautifully precise as you are

& I’m cold

& get my shoes & coat

to walk out into the night

to start picking up pieces

I saw it coming

so I already know

which way to take

 

 

19/11/12         notjustanend

I want to hide you

from the confused looks

from all the worries

from the good reasons

& keep you

not just as a memory

not just as a story

not just as something

that happened a while ago

& so I will keep you

will sent you warm thoughts

will think you safe

will work through

my side of this deal

quiet & patient

in order to welcome you back

with a smile

°& all I ask of you

is to stick around°

I put my fears

right in front of you

& saw you stumble over them

are you scared to hurt me?

do you think

you know me better?

I want to believe our story

so please don’t just disappear

like you appeared in my world

we talk about 2 weeks

& yes that is a scary number

specially when followed

by six more a bit later

& I’m left with

trusting myself

& that says

most likely he’ll come back

so please prove me right

cause our story

is more than

an end

with me hearing your heart

a short hug

a kiss on the cheek

& you hurrying away

 

18/11/12      IguessI'mleft

I guess it was

that I felt

a little less alone

while I knew

you were out there

waiting to be with me

 

& I guess

you are still out there

still waiting

to be with me

while we both feel

a bit more lost alone

 

&I guess

you are waiting

to be a little less alone

while I’m out there

waiting to feel

that I’m with you

 

&I’m left

with nothing but to write

& to grow a little bit

& to distract myself

from the noise

your absence causes

18/11/12         keepingyousafe

I know

I will find myself

looking for you

between the pages

for something about you

for the sound of your voice

reading it

for the lines

that started your fascination

cause at the moment

that’s all I’m left with

there is no waiting

for texts mails or phone calls

not anymore

you needed to walk off

& my part is

to not make that more difficult

so I’m quiet

& I watch you go

& I know you won’t look back

& that that’s on purpose

& I’ll be fine

like I always am

as soon as the though gets through

this is all we can be

but until then

it’s going to be a bit weird

but not too bad

I hope

I’ll miss this part of you

I’ll miss you

we’ll see again

when things changed

until then

I’ll keep you safe

18/11/12         lettinggoheavy

& this is

how I have to

let go of you

my head feels heavy

5min ago

you were still here

& if everything works out

according to plan

I’ll never see you like this again

I don’t want to

think that through

I don’t want to

let go of the idea you

& I know I have to

I can feel

the headache

crawling up

& I just want to

hide myself away

between plackets & sleep

at least for a bit

cause yes

even though I knew

this needs to happen

getting bloody knees

is still not comfortable

I know I was the one

that pushed things further

& I know you have to

walk off

in order to stick around

but it’s still

a girl sitting in front of

a boy she really likes

& she has to see him

taking his things

to not come back

& so I hope

you find your way

about being able

to spent amazing times

with me

& not getting lost about it

but I can only

wait& see

if that happens

maybe the most cruel thing

I’m scared about

how strong you are

that you might find yourself

being better off

without the chaos

I add to your life

& please take care

no matter how you decide

to go on from here

 

18/11/12      something truly real

 

let's start out

with little stones

against my window

flee darkness chaos & cold

to come to mine

& let's get to talk

with nothing between us

with no holding back

with your eyes in mine

head on head

breathing each other

& talking sense

to all the chaos

as much as that is possible

it feels like

'something truly real'

& as long as we

can be like we are

as long as

our heart share a beat

I'm able capable & willing

to get through all the chaos

as long as I know you on my side

us feeling for the same thing

while feeling about us

what all the chaos started

so long I want you

in words&time

& with all the restrictions

all the questions

that follow each of your words

so please

don't hold back

at least not

about things to say

cause I want to know

where you are

what you are about

& what you see

when I take your hand

so let's steal some hours

the night has enough of them

& find out more about

everything we can be

 

10/11/12     Bloc Party - Kettling

 

& this is how I let go

of falling for you

steps with words

& words with steps

& the more we get

of either of them

the lighter I get

& the more myself

of corse you're still

as dazzling as before

but while setting steps

in coloured leaves

we made a decision

to become everything

we can be

knowing how we are

& what we're capable of

& I almost want to screamsing

'we can feel it in our bones

the future is ours'

to come down to

spending time

as the only category of matter

& if we can be like this

I'm more then fine

with keeping my little animal

under control

& do the same for you

if you step out

we'll find it

simply because you want to

because I want to

I'll miss my head in the clouds

but it'll get back there

it sooner or later always does

& I'm so glad I found you

& I can appreciate that

without having to have you

are you in

to become

everything we can be?

 

 

09/11/12        savingyoufromthenightpulse

 

last night I went out

&walked to all the places

we spent time together

& smile for smile

word for word

I picked up

the events

that brought us

to the night pulse

to the same heart beat

& I put it together

all the sparkling pieces

& walked to the place

where I could feel you

everytime I'm there stronger

you can find

a shining little pile there now

& everywhere else forgot us

everywhere else

nothing can remember

we were there

so if you ever

want to find us

you will need to go back

to this place

& otherwise our story

 

[I]

won’t bother you anymore

I needed to do that

in order to actually

give you a choice

to not pop up everywhere

I want you

to be happy

&I know

this place

will keep our story safe

 

[II] won't be there anymore

& my life goes on

with one more scar

& your life goes on

just like before

now you have to prove

how strong you are

now you'll have to

be out there

on your own again

 

[III]

will end here

at least this part of it

& something in me hopes

you'll never come back here

& something in me hopes

you'll be amazed

how it still sparkles

I'll stay for another moment

freezing & shaking

heavy & empty

& then I'll let go

becoming part of the night

part of what happened

& both in my heartbeat

 

 

06/11/12                             fallen lassen

& ich lasse alles fallen

Vorsicht Vorbehalte Vorahnungen

habe Konsequenzen aufgegeben

um deine Augen

auf mich scheinen zu sehn

um deinen Geruch an mir zu bannen

um federnd durch den Winter zu laufen

um Unbehagen nachts auf Friedhöfen zu verlieren

um mit deinen langen Fingern zu spielen

& deine Geschichten

ins Ohr geflüstert zu bekommen

um meine Fragen beantwortet zu bekommen

& gleichzeitig wohlig schweigen zu können

 

 

06/11/12          othershining                  

at the moment

I can just

smile all the buts away

people start

to compliment me

on things I haven’t changed

I guess I’m shining

weird that that is something

that needs to be explained away

it’s like the earth

decided to put

less gravity on me

& my drive

takes double workloads

& I’m still in

for night time adventures

it almost seems

like I wasn’t right saying

I’m fine

cause in fact

I’m much more than fine

& yes you are to blame

 

06/11/12                             dancingvoicelight

while gazing at

something like dieing galaxies

I feel your presence

I don’t know

how the cold

could miss the way to us

I just know

even just being next to you

keeps away winters fingers

& I have to stop myself

from just ling down

in the almost frozen mud

or from watching the dancing lights

only as reflections on your face

& still I find myself

being surprised

that you seem to enjoy this

just as much as I do

& your tone

flows in my handwriting

on paper

to capture some of this feeling

the feeling we create

by simply spending time together

 

06.11.12               sharingaheartbeat

I'm trying

too only breath in

your head on mine

& your arms around me

I could stay here all night

hidden by height & darkness

watching people

or just hear you breathing

the last time

I was so comfortable is grey

& it's almost

like every step

every move of yours

can only find

the right way

I couldn't feel

more safe

than being here with you

surrounded by the city lights

all the way down below

between darkness grave stones & bats

my fingers playing in yours

talking about stars & children

or just feeling stones & trees

while knowing

the silence can't

create distance between us

us in the pulse of the night

with the same heart beat

hidden away in the darkness

 

03/11/12 firstlovechaos

my first love

was chaos

& since the time

I fell so hard & quick

I never was able to lose it

& so even today

so many bruises

bloody knees & stories later

I still have

a love-hate relationship

with chaos

at least it keeps me writing

& my friends entertained

& at least

I’m still young enough

to see the point

in all the stories

that don’t work out

maybe I became too much

of a good story teller

cause like kettcar already said

the good stories always only happen

to the ones that can tell them

 

 

01/11/12      categoryshift

as soon as we’re together

people around us lose track

between flying words

& shining glow

I’ve no idea

how to cover it up

it feels impossible

not to look at you

this way

as long as I find

your heart & mine

in the very same beat

as long as I

can hear songs in your voice

as long as we

can’t wait to tell stories

or just say nothing together

as long as

spending time together

is the only category

of matter between us

 

01/11/12     newworldadventures

 

I want to find you

with me

walking through the woods

to spot whales

gazing at stars

with no one around

listening to the adventure

you make out of classical music

sharing far traveled pictures

& their stories

picking me up from Spanish

to just take a walk

on your favorite grave yard

at night

& want to get

to a new world underground

with music that feels different

& get out with bruises

& shine in them

 

 

 

 

31/10/12   matterquestions

 

can we just

skip all the small talk

& rather use the precious time

to talk about

what makes your heart beat faster

when does life sound like balloons

when do you smile at a crappy day

what is your inner beat

what is the most interesting thing in a new place

when does your head get all light

when do you enjoy getting lost

who deserves your loyalty

what is the saddest thing

where is the most beautiful place you’ve been to

what can we find around the next corner

what drives you

what takes away your breath

when do you enjoy losing it

& how much does your heart weight right now

 

 

29/10/12   wordparty

it just doesn’t stop

seems like your words

found a nice little place

in my ears

& have a party there

cause I can’t lose them

since the moment I heard you

& I get just more curious

& even less patient

about you

you’re dazzling

even on a day

you call not one of your bright ones

& I as myself

if I can keep up with you

& am more than in for trying

& dry red wine with star staring

or just more words

& late October sunshine

I’m curious

about every new line from you

& the most about the surprises

you direct questions

your straight forward comments

every now & then a glimpse

I need to shake off

in order to be able

to follow your fast mind

you’re dazzling

& I can’t wait to get more of it

 

27.10.12 glowshining

my head is still buzzing

still feeling your words

through an through me

still vibrating

under the glow we started

far too curious

to wait two weeks

I’m good in being patient

but about you

I just want to find you

at the very same corner

where I heard your last words

& want you to find

them slowly come true

just stay like this

your eyes shining down on me

just keep talking

everything around us away

just give me more

I love finding myself

losing it

simply shining

glowing in words

more just more

 

 

 

26/10/12 realizinglonging

it felt like meeting someone

that I longed to meet

for a long time

me most surprised myself

how the feeling hit me

not only to fix things

to make it possible to hang out

to feel great

just cause your company

is just of such a quality

is what I need to find

& I just want to say

please don’t walk off

just because my heart is a mess

please hang around

 

 

 

19.10.12    Wundermalerblickfang

 

du hast eines dieser faszinierenden Gesichter

je länger ich dich anschaue

desto attraktiver scheinst du zu werden

es ist die Farbe deiner Haut

ihr seltsam mattes Schimmern

die Farbe deiner Haare

die kein Wundermaler besser hätte wählen können

deine stechenden Augen

die sich klingend in die Farbsymphonie einreichen

es ist deine kühle Ausstrahlung

di zu deinem Namen passt

& meine Neugier auffordernd anschreit

& dann dein Lächeln

auf das ich gezählte 34 Minuten warten muss

doch bis zu dem Zeitpunkt

an dem du deine Jacke ausziehst

bin ich nur interessiert

als ich diese Band auf deinem Shirt sehe

will ich tausend Fragen sprudeln

notfalls auch auf Spanisch radebrechen

nur um für all die Mühe möglicherweise

mit einem live Musik Date

entlohnt zu werden

oder dich einfach ungestört weiter anschauen zu dürfen

ich will dich regen

will dein Lächeln provozieren

will mehr wissen

will dich finden

die blonde Version der Faszination

 

 

 

19/10/12             doorknocking surprise

your bright shining eyes

create a perfect mixture with your smile

while you stand there

in front of my door

unexpected best surprise

of my tired evening

& your friends seem even nicer

cause you shine out of them

instantly I feel like I should

not look so tired

or at least say something brilliant

to make you stay

at least I find something

slightly brilliant & 100% me

& leave a little note at your door

& to find your name online

proves me right in doing so

& as the words line up nicely

I just feel more & more

like I want to hear your voice

so I ask for it

& your ‘sure’ proves my crazybraveness

right again

if we just keep on like this

impulsive light young & smiling

I can’t wait to see you again

 

 

 

05.10.12 a friends warm beating heart offer

 

I guess you are one

one of these days

where I just stand in front of you

& feel like I should hug you

or take you somewhere quiet

or just smile at you longer

so that you maybe turn

around or upside down

or just to me

with more of a warmth

in your heart

then the last days treated me

I’d like to see

that you want to stay

here with me

& my loud & warm beating heart

cause even tough

I stumble into you

it feels like you’re hurrying away

far too often

even though I even heard you saying

that you enjoy my company a lot

so maybe you should try staying

just for a bit

if you can

 

14.10.12  Glitzertropfenzwiegespräch

 

ich glaube nicht

dass ich Regen schonmal

irgendwo habe so fallen sehn

es ist als würde er schweben

als wollte er lang genug

in der Nacht glitzern

bevor er sich sanft auf alles legt

& ich frage mich

ob der Schnee hier

noch langsamer fallen wird

immerhin passt es

zu meiner Stimmung

& dem was ich gerade zerstörte

dass sich der Regen

wie Tränen & Schweigen

auf mich legt

& meinen fiebrigen Kopf kühlt

immerhin passt es

zu meinem Widerwillen

dich so zu sehn

wegen Worten

die aus mir drängten

mir bis dahin auf den Magen schlug

ich bin froh darüber

dass dieser Nieselregen

mir meinen wirren Kopf kühlt

& ich hoffe auf gute Gesellschaft

& dieses Jahr keine vierte Geschichte

dieser Art anzufügen

es ist genug damit

sage ich den Glitzertropfen

 

13.10.12   02:13     Fridaynightpostdatingthoughts

 

this is probably

my second least favorite

to tell someone

you’re great

but I just don’t feel it

& to feel every syllable

& be angry with yourself

cause you know

it’d be more than just

a good choice

but still

can’t fool myself

can’t make myself

see or feel something

that didn’t just happen

& over all it’s a big sorry

a sorry that I mean

that I’d much rather

never needed to say

but now I’m only left

with at least being fair

spending time together sounds great

but it isn’t up to me

& so I hope things will be fine

I couldn’t not speak the truth

I hope you can value that

somehow & even if not

thank you for all of this

 

 

12.10.12   02:00    Herzohrwurm.

 

Ich will deinen Anblick nicht vergessen

will dich zufällig wieder finden

irgendwo zwischen diesen Winkelgassen

will lächeln & sehn

dass es dich wie ein Blitz trifft

will mich mit einem Date umdrehen

& deswegen laut singend nach Hause kommen

will dich in meinem Leben finden

plötzlich immer näher präsenter

& will dich morgens anblinseln

& verwundert darüber lächeln

dass du dich in mein Bett verirrt hast

will mein Herz zum Ohrwurm haben

sobald dein Blick auf mir ruht

will merken wie ich mich

in dem Übermaß dir verliere

& mich darüber freudestrahlend

durch den tagelangen Regen hüpfen sehn

will durch dich diese Stadt

nur noch mehr lieben lernen

will mich in deine Aufmerksamkeit schmiegen

& deine Hand leicht verwirrt & stolz

so ganz nebenbei in meiner finden

will dass wir eine Geschichte werden

die ihren Weg nur auf Papier finden kann

will federn weil dein Geruch noch mir haftet

& mit deinen Worten im Ohr schlafen

will so gern dass du mich behütest

& nicht mehr loslässt

 

 

 

26.09.12  Regentanzsehnen

draußen fällt das Wasser

vom Wind getragen

schneelangsam vom Himmel

so habe ich das auch

noch nirgendwo gesehn

es lieftert das perfekte Bild

zum Geräusch von Regentropfen

auf Autodächern

& mit all dem schwämmt es mich zurück

es scheint so Vieles an unserer großen Geschichte

haben wir mit dem Wasser geteilt

vom Schnee der blitzend zusah

wie etwas Ungreifbares began

& uns etwas später bibbernd zu dir führte

über geteilte ARTE-Surfdokumentationen

& diese Nacht damals in Frankfurt

als kleine Textboten unsere Gedanken

durch Regentropfen auf Autodächer

& noch ein gutes Stück weiter

zueinander brachten & sich da einrollten

das Abenteuer in fröstelnder Sommernacht

dessen Freibadnähewagnis später gebannt wurde

& sich dann ein großer Ozean

ruhig & wellenreich zwischen uns legte

du sagtest unsere Seelen treiben da draußen irgendwo

& vielleicht hast du damit Recht

zumindest ab & an

wenn du wieder aufbrandest

siedend durch meine Fasern zurück drängst

wenn es nur den Regen bedarf